The Crushed Flower…
Sharing an instance with shame and guilt….
It was just yesterday when I was back to joy after a long period of ill mental state. It owes to two of my dear dear Pals… They brought me back alive from the hell I was in..!! Yesterday was the last day of our little get together of 3-4 days and I felt very heavyhearted while bidding them farewell and simultaneously thanking God for two such beautiful gifts
I sat in front of a posh mall just remembering the immensely joyous moments we shared in last few days.
Right then a small kid came to me and begged for money. I generally drop a coin or two to the needy beggars particularly old or handicapped people but never to young fellows or kids. I suddenly remembered messages like “Don’t encourage begging of kids because people use them to get money” “By dropping a coin, you are encouraging the person to drive more kids into beggary.” I strongly believed that people who are capable should earn their bread not beg for it or make others beg. Keeping all this in mind, I denied giving him money. He stared at me for another minute in hope that I would melt but I was adamant enough.
Couple of minutes later another small girl came and begged me money. I denied this time too. She pleaded me “Saab, Do din se kuch nahi khaaya saab. Do naa” I looked at her and she was all messed up. Tangled hairs, dusty skin, dried and cracked lips, wearing untidy and torn frock looked like she has been using it for ages. I somehow believed that she was saying truth but I am very strict to what I decide. I didn’t give her money.. Instead I asked “Sach mein nahi khaaya tune..” and she replied in a feeble voice which I couldn’t hear but only noticed her nodding of head. I asked her “Khaana khaane chalegi…??” She just nodded her head with an expressionless face. I took her to a nearby restaurant made her sit and asked “kya khaayegi…!!!”
“Kahaan rehti hai…?” I asked her…
“Station mein hi soti hoon saab.”
“Akele rehti hai tu...?”
“Nahi saab do aur bhai hain mere.”
“Aur maa baap kahaan hain tere...?”
“Nahi hain saab.”
“Kabse nahi hain… ”
“Nahi jaanti saab… Kabhi dekha nahi.”
“To tereko kaise pata wo tere bhai hain..???” (I was still doubtful whether she was saying truth...!)
“Mera bhai mereko sambhaalata tha… Ek bada bhai hai aur ek mere se chota hai..”
“Wo log bhi aise hi maang kar khaana khaate hain…?”
She nodded in agreement.
She gobbled the Vada Pav in as large chunks she could. It made me feel nice about my little deed. I felt satisfied and proud from inside. I know being PROUD is a big word but it’s not everyday that one gets to do such a deed. I mean I was really really happy seeing her eat..
“Bhookh lagti hai hamesha..” (How stupid of me to ask that question…)
“Bahot lagti hai.”
“Khaana nahi milta to kya karti hai..”
“Bhookh mein so jaati hun saab… Nahi to hamare bazu mein ek aurat soti hai.. Wo kabhi kabhi khaane deti hai…”
“Roti nahi hai tu...?” I smiled forcibly to make her feel brave and asked her…
“Nahi saab.. Main nahi roti … Wo chota walaa bhai kabhi kabhi rota hai..”
She replied without a hint of expression on her face…
It was a treat to watch her eat.. Everytime she took a large chunk it drove chills down my spine.. Her words gave me goose bumps… I wanted to hear more of her and her struggle with life…
“Tune Vada Pav kyun maanga… Roti..ya Dosa kyun nahi..??”
I was dumbfounded with her answer “Wo kabhi nahi khaaya saab.. Pata nahi pet bharega ki nahi..!! Paise milte hain to yehi khaa lete hain.. Aur kuch nahi milta aur koi deta bhi nahi..Ek din mein ek do pav mil jaata hai to ho jaata hai..”
People survive on two pieces of bread a day…!!! I couldn’t prevent moistening of my eyes, inspite of a brave face I tried to put on.
“School jaane ka socha hai…?? Uniform pehnoge. Kitaabein padhoge…!!”
“Aur khaana saab…??” she innocently interfered..
I had no answers to her only question. How could one dream of school or better life when her whole day she begged money to manage two Vada Pavs… Her impeccant mind couldn’t not dream of anything bigger when she couldn’t get even that on some day. I felt ashamed of myself for laughing on the first time when she ordered Vada Pav..
She finished eating. She asked me with an expressionless face “Saab, Bhai ke liye bhi do na.”
I couldn’t deny this request so I bought her some more. But, before giving her the parcel I asked her to smile once. (Maybe rude of me to do so.. But I wanted to see her smile..at least once..)
“Pehle ek baar hass ke bata to parcel dunga..”
She stared at me with wide open eyes for a minute. It might be because she was surprised by my gesture or may be nobody ever asked her to do so earlier .One possibility could be of she considering me cruel and wanted to refuse doing so but giving a thought about her brothers… Or maybe be she had forgotten to smile…
She eventually gave a smile which didn’t reach her eyes.. but that was beautiful enough to click a picture and hang on my wall looking at it for hours. It had miraculous effect like it brought all the blood to my heart and made it heavy and pump louder.
I gave her the parcel and said “Jaa... Bhai ko dede…” She ran like a tiger out of cage.
Coming back.. I met some very good friends.. Gossiped, cracked joke, shared instances, had some gadget shopping and then dinner before returning home. I forgot the earlier time with that small girl like it never happened.
Back at home, I was unpacking my bag. I found a packet of Chicken Biriyani which we packed at a hotel earlier for not being capable enough to eat it. I had my stomach full now and eating more was impossible but throwing was unacceptable to me. Something which Mom had inscribed in mind. “Never insult your food..” Seemed funny to me then but now, as I am away from home I tend to believe her more. I opened the packet hesitatingly and noticed it has begun to stink a little… To my relief I got an excuse for not eating it anymore..
As I was going to throw it into the dustbin, the image of the girl popped into my head and I couldn’t let the packet out of my hands. She was stopping me from behind… I felt like she was saying “Mujhe de do main khaa lungi..” She was all over my head and she made me to decide eating it. I was determined now”It may stink but I will not throw it.. I will eat it anyhow..!!! At least for that girl..“ I regretted for not remembering about it … I could have given it to that girl… It would have made her smile once more… Maybe this time the smile reaches her eyes… I cursed myself…
I opened the packet and began eating the stinking food spoon by spoon.. There was a fight between my senses and my conscience. I almost finished it half when I had thought popping out like. “What if I get ill with this?? ” “Should I consider it madness and quit?? ” “Am I being too delirious...! “
Finally my senses won over by somehow contradictorily proving that I needn’t eat that. It was then that I packed it in a hurry with a fear of changing my mind again and quickly threw it in the dust bin. I thought the faster, the better. But after I threw it, a sense of guilt engulfed me. I thought how rude I was to throw food away. … I repented not giving her that biriyani as she would have been the happiest!! I kneeled before God because it looked like the only option I got to relieve me out.. I saw that girl and I cried.. I cried like a baby… Begged her to pardon me… I promised to myself thatNEVER EVER IN MY LIFE I WILL WASTE FOOD… EAT ONLY WHAT I CAN… NEVER OVER EAT…!!!
I always thought of working for the social cause and I think I’m just given an inspiration to work towards it. I will definitely do my bit. I just felt a need to write this experience so that some more people might agree with me and stop wasting food and money on areas of insignificant things as the same thing could mean the world to somebody…
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